Loving Zara (part 1?)...a 1st story

first story i've ever written...
first time i've ever even registered on any spanking site...
let alone delurked...
so yeah, just a little *anxious*: EEK!
and as tempted as i am to continue writing a long rambling self-conscious preamble...

this story is fiction, i do not condone the spanking of minors, etc.
also please note that this story makes reference to both self-injury and an eating disorder...so if these are in any way an issue for you, please be safe.

~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring blankly at the floor, when Jax lightly knocked on my half-open door and entered the room.

Taking in the disconcerting image before her, she crossed the room to obtain something, before returning to sit down on the bed, about a foot to my left.

"So," she said. Her voice was quiet, loving, serious, concerned.
Yes, all that in a single syllable.

I knew she was waiting for me to speak.
She soon realized I couldn't even if I wanted to.
I could feel her eyes on me, unwavering since she'd come in.

"Zara," she said.
I was having trouble hearing her; the connection between mind and body more tenuous by the moment.
"Look at me."

I struggled between wanting to vanish completely and yearning to feel the safety of her presence.

"Zara," she states again.
No progress.

She leaned forward a bit, her gaze searching my face, my eyes, assessing how far I had drifted. I've been 'farther', but that was likely of little comfort right now.

I sensed her shift her position so there was now no physical distance between us.
The light touch of her right hand on my upper back and left placed over mine on my thigh felt like a small strike of lightning passed through my body.

A tear drop appeared on her hand. There was apparently a fair amount rolling down my face.

She moved her gaze downward and took note for the first time the 2 angry cuts on my wrist forming a jagged L.
"What part of the story don't I know?" she said softly.

She was silent for a minute, pensive.

I felt her fingers gently tilt up my chin.
"Open your eyes, lovey."

My vision was blurred by the tears, which I could now vaguely feel.
I still couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.
My ability to speak still knotted up in my stomach.

"Z, honey, come across my lap."
My body moved robotically in that direction and she guided it into place.

The small throw pillow had already been placed on her lap, a slightly larger and softer in place to lay my head on.

My legs were moved to stretch out behind me on the bed.

She stroked my hair and leaned down towards my face.
Her voice cracking, she whispered, "oh, my baby girl. I love you so, so much. I wish you could allow yourself to truly receive it." Her hand was now gently rubbing my back. "I hate that you are in such tremendous pain, sweetheart. But it is even more heart-wrenching to watch you inflict additional punishment on yourself."

Her voice now took a sterner tone as she continued, "Such as, among other things, pushing your already malnourished body beyond all limits every time you are even allowed to step foot in the gym," punctuating that last sentence with a firm spank to my bottom.

Softer again, "Lift your hips up for me, honey." Moving for the first time in several minutes, I shifted and felt her smoothly pull down my loose pajama-like pants and then my underwear. She adjusted me slightly, and rested one hand on my now bare bottom and the other on my back. "I'm going to spank you now, lovey."

Throughout I remained in a passive, dream-like state. My full-consciousness hovering above the scene, watching objectively, waiting patiently until it was time to rejoin the rest of me.

I heard a sad, but determined, deep sigh, and the beginning thuds of hand meeting bottom.

Jax, knowing that enough words had been spoken for now, set about the task of bringing me back to a fully present state.

Her hand fell methodically, hard but controlled, giving sufficient attention to the entire bottom under her care, with particular focus on the lower portion and sit spot.

After several minutes, she paused to gage the effects. The small bottom was now a uniform dark shade of pink, the eyes of her girl still mostly empty.

She resumed the spanking, harder now, the pace quicker, and the pattern less consistent. After another minute or two, small grunts became discernable in response to particularly sharp slaps.

Hardly breaking form, she reached quickly for 'the' paddle and continued.

She began to notice subtle jerks of the legs out the right corner of her eyes and similar movements of the bottom directly before her.

With another silent prayer that she was indeed doing the right thing and a request for courage, she stepped up the intensity and force of the spanking. The signals of life returning to the beloved child in her charge became increasingly evident.

And in a flash, her Zara was back, filling the room with sobs that wracked her body from head to toe.

I returned to reality with the force of a tornado touching ground, my body exploding with the wrenching pain in my heart. I couldn't breath nor think nor speak, consumed by the anguished screaming of my soul.

I had the sudden awareness of the raging fire in my bottom, and the first coherent cognition of where I was: in the unflinching protection of my Jax, the woman I adored beyond words, the only mother I had ever known.

Jackie breathed a great sign of relief, allowing for the first time her own tears to trickle down. But she also knew it wasn't over yet.

She reached for and squeezed Z's right hand, so long lying limply and now involuntarily shaking like the rest of her, as she continued to bring the paddle down on her adolescent daughter's dark crimson little bottom. Jackie began to lower the intensity slowly, eventually switching back to her hand, until she was giving Z only the lightest of pats generously spaced apart.

I was crying very softly now, completely spent and exhausted to the bone. Jax leaned over and held me tightly, stroking my hair again.

Finally, I whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Baby, I know you are. And I am so very sorry too. Sorry that you are having such a hard time. That you still feel that you must express it by hurting yourself, and by trying to push me away, which," kissing my forehead, she stated with a slightly teasing lilt, "I will not cease to repeat, as many million times as necessary, is an absolute impossibility."

More serious again, she continued, "And I am very, very sorry having to spank you like that."

Feeling the hand now rubbing my bottom, I was newly aware of how intensely sore that part of my anatomy was, having been subject to a spanking significantly harder and longer than any in my memory.

Her hand lifted at my involuntary shudder, and I gasped and then emitted a low moan, at its return a few moments later, to gently apply a cool and soothing lotion.

"Are you ready to get up now?"

I nodded and Jax helped me rise slowly, carefully returning my underwear and pants to their usual place.

Her tiny smile at my wince did not go unnoticed, even though she tried to hide it.

I gave her a *hmph* and stuck out my tongue.
We both let out a chuckle--yeah, I was definitely back.

She guided me to the oversized sofa chair, stopping to pick up an additional cushion for my aching bottom.

Once arranged Jax wrapped her arms around to hold me, and I relaxed into the most comfortable safe place in the world.

After a quite minute or two, "Ok, lovey, time to talk to me now, kiddo."

And with a deep sigh I began...

- posted by unquiet @ 4:32 PM