making things right part 1 ~ a zara story

note added 8/25:
this is something of a follow-up to "SO intense."
(never mind i wrote this one 1st.)
and similar in my inability to ever write the actual spanking--what is that ABOUT?!?
i dunno.
well, you have been warned...
~~~~~~~~~~


...this one is an "expression" i guess of present r/l for me...

speaks of usual typical and tedious self-destructive tendencies

this is part 1 as noted, but i'm slow and easily distracted, so...
refrain from waving your hairbrushes at me, pwease?

~~~~~
"hey," i said, taking a seat next to her.
"hey baby," she replied, looking up w/ a smile.
closing her book, and putting it on the table to her right, jax then turned back, and shifted her position so she was sitting sideways on the couch and facing me.
"how was your day, kiddo?"

"um, alright," i answered, "had a good practice."
i was trying to sound and appear typically casual, just regular-ole-me after a regular-ole-day.
but i could sense that jax already sensed something was up.

i was just so no good at masking shit anymore.

"yeah? good...the rest of your day ok?"
"fine."

oh shit, monosyllabic answers are a dead giveaway.

the lack of any verbal response from jax was proof positive of that.

forcing myself to adjust my position so i was now face-to-face, i started,
"so...i wanted to, um, talk to you about something..."
making eye contact for a moment, i could see the amused gleam at my stating the obvious.
"sure, z. whats up lovey?"

"oh, just something that came up with abby today."
jax waits.
"um, you remember a bunch of months ago, when i, uh, ordered those pills online?...and issac accidentally opened the box..." i trailed off.

"as if i could forget. my hand is *still* sore from that night," jax teased.


yeah, 9 months later--you're sooo funny.

"what about it?", she prompted, more seriously.

"well, um, it kinda randomly came up today..."
jax waits as i take a moment to will my voice not to shake.

"so, ya know, abby had asked me back then if the pills had been thrown out..."
*deep breath*
"and i told her yes."

"right, i threw them out myself the next day," jax responded, with a hint of confusion.

i took a gulp of my diet soda.
became momentarily fascinated playing with the can tab.
drank some more.
still looking downward.

i could now feel 2 eyes boring into my forehead.

biting my lip, i mumbled "not exactly."

"not exactly, did you say, zara michaela?"

hearing the first erosion of patience in her tone, and bored myself w/ this same old dance around,
"i got up during the night, and found them and switched the pills in the bottles with like aspirin and stuff."

i could feel my face flushing with shame, and my eyes becoming moist.
i waited for a response, any response.
i was terrified to look up at her, of what i might see on her face, in her eyes.
but as the silent seconds continued to tick, i slowly glanced up.

i don't even know what kind of look i was expecting to see, but whatever it was, i didn't see it.
only the same calm, caring, concerned expression that bewilders me still.

jax put her hand on my thigh, giving me a gentle squeeze, and softly said, "go on."

i suddenly felt much calmer and steadier myself.
maybe b/c the rest didn't quite so directly involve jax...

"well, i had told abby about it at the time--"

"so she was asking if *you* had thrown them out. the real ones." jax cut in.
i could practically hear the click in her head.

"yeah."

"sorry...go on."

"right, well, she had obviously, err, "suggested" that i do so."
"and when she asked the next time i saw her, i said that i did throw them out...
"but i didn't."

"what *did* you do with them?"
"nothing."

*the eye-brow raise*
"nothing?"

"i never took 'em. any. not once."

jax looked, hmmm, intrigued maybe?
"i just put them way back in my closet and didn't even touch them for months."

"then what happened?"
"i threw them out for real."
"when?"

"a few weeks ago."
i met her gaze directly.
"the night after..."

"come here," jax said, holding her arms open.
and i was in them.
like yesterday...


- posted by unquiet @ 10:41 AM